We often do not want to admit to ourselves, much less to anyone else, that we are unhappy with the quantity or quality of our sexual experience; that we don’t feel met by our partners; or that we don’t feel we are reaching our full potential in our own intimate sensation and energies. Yet, this aspect of our human experience, if left unaddressed, can leave us hurt, unsatisfied (even ravenous), and unfulfilled. Where does healing begin?
It begins with being honest with yourself
The truth is, we are not always honest with ourselves about what we want intimately, and where we feel we are falling short. Just reaching a point at which we can identify our perceived lack and give voice to it – this is the most important first step. From there, healing unfolds with a clearer focus and direction.
First, I work out the most effective way of clearing blocks, which might include physical constriction, mental blocks, communication blocks (with a partner), energetic blocks, and so on. I will refer to a nutritionist/wellness expert if I feel your situation has a health/physiological cause. Otherwise, we may explore the following:
Energy work (Reiki/Chakra healing)
Body-based coaching –I give you exercises to do at home which involve re-learning sensation, and feeling more in touch with your body, including developing self-love/body-love.
NLP/Hypnotherapy– great for teaching your subconscious mind how to re-pattern ‘how it does intimacy’
I have so many examples of past clients and this kind of healing, so I thought I’d give you a few examples.
Woman who has never (or rarely) climaxes
From a single woman in her early 20s recovering from anorexia, to a married woman in her mid-late 40s, challenges with orgasm are not uncommon. Often, the woman with this challenge experiences a deep disconnection to her body as a natural source of pleasure. We work via re-imagining pleasure states, embedded in hypnosis, as well as doing home exercises to help her reconnect. Using this combination of tools, I have seen women undergo amazing transformations in as little as 3 months. I have had a woman who had never orgasmed (due to early childhood abuse) experience waves of multiple orgasms about 18 months after she first started seeing me.
For many men, a cycle of shame/embarrassment can cause an endless loop of self-perpetuating performance issues. In addition to working with NLP and hypnosis for confidence, and bodywork for blood flow and muscular constriction, we work at the subconscious level to resource the man to be in touch with his natural sexual energies. For some clients, success has come entirely from being coached on home practices and lifestyle changes. For one client, ED was largely rectified via chakra healing (energy work, done in the context of de-armouring). There is no one-size-fits-all approach in this area, but usually a combination of tools can create huge shifts with time.
Mismatched Desire in Relationships
The most common reason one person in a couple feels frustrated is mismatched desire along with a lack of communication around erotic themes. Usually, there are some entrenched roles each person plays in the dynamic (from domestic, to professional, to caretaker, and so on) which need to be shifted in order for eroticism to have a space in the relationship! Often I just work with one part of the couple, coaching on communication, love languages, and the anatomy of pleasure. We also discuss core erotic themes, how to identify yours, and then communicate it well. Sometimes, I have seen great shifts just from one person really embracing her/his sexuality and doing self-development work in this area – it has shifted that person’s partner just by virtue of being in that new energy. Other times, I see couples together and devise more specific strategies for them to get energy flowing. I often say, it can get worse before it gets better, as change in any area can cause disruption, before there is a new ‘normal’. Don’t give up! It’s important to persist with change and keep communication flowing.
Want to know more?
As this is a sensitive subject, I strongly urge you to contact me if you have any questions or want to discuss how I may be able to help you. Just go to Contact and send me an email to begin, or book a session.